Life was so good. Then one day, out of the blue, I had a fit. The hospital thought it was the onset of late epilepsy but sent me for an MRI just to make sure that everything was okay. When the results came back, I was shocked to find out that I did not have epilepsy, but Arteriovenous Malformations (AVMs), which are a mishmash of veins on the brain. To ensure I did not have any more fits, I was advised to have the AVMs removed.
In November 2009, I went into hospital, to have the first two AVMs removed. It was a piece of cake. I came home the same day, cooked the kids their tea, did their homework with them, bathed them and put them to bed and then did a load of ironing. I thought I had cracked it, get the other two removed and life would go back to normal.
On January 27th, 2010, (my 38th birthday), I went back to hospital to have the other two removed. I was put under general anesthetic, but when they went to remove the third AVM, there was a problem and it was decided not to go ahead with the operation. That day
they stopped, but whilst I was in recovery something went wrong and the third AVM swelled with blood and exploded in my brain, causing me to have massive stroke. They quickly put me back under, by which time, my brain had swelled up so much they had to induce me into a coma. Looking back, it felt like my life had ended that day… little did I know, it was just the start.
I always knew the stroke pain was so bad it would drive me mad some day and it did. I started drinking a lot, not going out, not washing, or taking care of myself. My friend used to get my shopping for me, which was by now mainly bottles of wine for me to get smashed on. I would only wash when I really had to. I was in excruciating pain. There was a tap, tap, tapping on my ears and my eyes and all over my body. I worked out that if I downed a bottle of Chardonnay and followed it up with a glass from the second bottle, I would pass out for hours. So, I would do that regularly, just to be free of the pain.
Writing for me is a release, it’s a release of all the worries I’ve had in my life since my stroke. It’s a release of all the anger and bitterness I’ve had since I had my brain surgery. Seeing all the pain and the anguish of the dark days when I first came out of my coma written down on paper and in the days when my brain endings were dying, it worked as a pain relief. If my writing was taken away from me tomorrow, it would be one hundred steps back from going forward two. It makes me feel contentment with my situation regarding my brain surgery and what happened subsequently. When I hear the words read back to me, it helps me to come to terms with the fact that the ‘perfect’ in my words life that I had for 37 years is gone, but now I can look to the future, because it is bright and I have got a lot of good things coming my way.
If you want to know more and see how I went from zero to hero, order and read my book to find out more, using the link below…